***********
The 25 Most
Inappropriate Things An Objectivist Can Say During
Sex
by
Jason Roth
1.
"Before we continue, there's something I have to ask you.
Will you still accept the axiom that existence exists
tomorrow?"
2. "I appreciate the thought, but I consider it an act of
self sacrifice for you to swallow."
3. "I believe in the complete separation of the left leg
from the right."
4. "Now that's what I call standing up for what you believe
in."
5. "Emotions are the mind's near-instantaneous evaluation
of a perceived fact or idea as either good or bad for the
individual. Hence, my wet panties."
6. "You sure smell better down here than the collectivists
I've slept with."
7. "To say 'Fuck me harder' one must first know how to say
the 'me'."
8. "No, I don't always
object to you
sticking your finger there. But that's a borderline case."
9. "So dear, shall it be the steel magnate position
tonight, or the A is A? Oh, damn, we're all out of Cool
Whip. So much for the A is A."
10. "I haven't had this much fun since I rejected the
concept of God."
11. "There's no such thing as a collective orgasm. But
let's try our best."
12. "Would you like me to concretize that for you?"
13. "Contradictions do not exist. You can't insert it there
and there at the same time. Wait a second. Open up the top
drawer of my nightstand."
14. "Good for you, you finally found my G-spot. Score one
for goal-directed action."
15. "No, you're not my first. But you are the first man
whose penis has made me understand the role of measurement
omission in the act of concept formation."
16. "Don't you have any Tchaikovsky? Rachmaninoff is fine
for 69s, but nothing beats Tchaikovsky when it comes to
anal."
17. "What do you mean, it's 'possible' that you had an
orgasm? Are you saying that you have some
evidence that you
had an orgasm, but not sufficient
evidence?"
18. "No, I don't need Viagra. It's this damn non-objective
pornography."
19. "You feel warm and
fuzzy? Check your
premises."
20. "It's time for me to teach you the difference between
Platonic love and Aristotelian love."
21. "You selfish bitch! You greedy, selfish bitch! What?
You don't like my pillow talk?"
22. "It doesn't really matter whether I come or not. I
believe that man's tongue is an end in itself."
23. "Don't construe my liking that as an instance of the
sanction of the victim. Now excuse me while I wipe off my
face."
24. "There's nothing like grasping the objectivity of
values. And what values they are."
1.
"John? Who is
John?"
(For
the record: yes, I am an Objectivist. Some
less-than-brilliant anti-Objectivists
(and
anal Objectivists)
seem to have difficulty differentiating a joke's subject
from its object.)
***********
There was a young
lady named Ayn,
Who said
"Capitalism's so fine!"
But in matters
devotional
She was
shockingly notional
And fat-heads
think that's a crime.
(c) 2004, Herself
(This may be quoted if you include the copyright
notice and attribute the FSP Forum)
(Modest, isn't
she?)
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
***********
